Where does that leave me?

The last two days I was in Halifax attending a Birthing From Within workshop (more about that later, maybe; I’m still digesting). My wonderful husband played hooky from work to care for our two little monkeys and when I arrived home after a long day of philosophy and sitting in a classroom the floors were clean, the kids were fed and happy, the dishes done and laundry was even put away. My temporary Mr. Mom was all smiles and tales of what a joy our boys were. I should have been pleased; instead it made me wonder “where does that leave me?”
After all the hours and hours of labour it took me to complete my Childbirth Education certification and the class outline I have come to find that there is a definite lack of interest in private childbirth preparation in our community and I have no work lined up. My slow moving career has been bumming my out as of late, so I decided that instead of feeling like a failure I would enjoy the free time with my kiddos! This being said, two little boys (and a third for a few hours a day) can be exhausting and frustrating and nerve frazzling (as well as hilarious and rewarding and elating). Part of me was hoping to come home to a slighlty weary Papa, but after an entire day of the same rambunctious children he was completely composed! I’m not the kind of person who needs to feel like I’m better at things that others but we all need to have a niche in the world, right? These last few days have left me wondering where my foot hold is.